what has gone wrong?

I will just spend a few minutes on this.. nutting more.. yes.. tired of work.. and feeling very sick.. I dun noe y.. I felt so sick.. something wrong with my body somewhere and i just dun noe where it has gone wrong..

Im tired.. I'm sick and tired of trying! I'm really sick of it! AND... stop trying to ask me to keep trying.. It doesn't work!

Why do I have to do things the way that people dun? Why do I have to go thru the things people dun? Why do I have to suffer under such things that people dun?

People tend to ask me.. "Do u really want to give up now?"
Come on, do I really have a choice?.. damn it, how m i suppose to give up now? If I give up now.. What will I be? Its god damn fuck up and yet I can't give up! Guess wat.. I knew this fact better than anyone else! ARGGHH.. i dun noe wat im saying! I only know that I'm fuck up! Yes..

I'm fuck up, with a fuck up attitdue.. I lazy.. Im stupid , wat else do u wan me to say? I dun noe............... I'm just so damn damn damn damn fucked up now!

I think its just my life.. people work 1 hour and earn 10 bucks.. I work 1 hr and earn 5 bucks... ppl study 1 day can understand 5 chapters.. i study the whole day and cant even do 1 chapter.. FCUK.

DAMN IT..
This sure didn't took long.. 10 mins of fucking around blogsite.. it didn't really make me feel better.. but i still have to go now..

Seconds by seconds,
I just felt closer to home and reunion.

Counting down.. xx Days and loving it.

Eh lo mate..! Ohh doesn't this title seems familiar? Yup! U guys have seen it like over 106 days ago.. Wasn't it scary.. Its like almost a third of the year has passed.. without me by your side.. and without you by my side.. I can never put the kind of pain I had to endure into words.. I can't say the same for everyone perhaps.. But I guess I always have a great family who felt the same as me.. esp my mum.. and not forgetting some of my great buds!

So far so good.. revision is going no where.. so here I m.. blogging my way to failure yet again.. Duh... I guess I shouldn't be putting "failure" by my mouth.. It only invites more scolding and nagging.. Right guys?

Maybe a little update on my current status..

• 4 papers to clear.. namely

1. CSCI213:Java and the Internet
2. ECTE344: Control Theory
3. ECTE301: Digital Signal Processing
4. ECTE313: Electronics

• Revision status.. Not started with Java and electronics.. halfway thru Control Thry and stuck with DSP..
• Subject contents are FOC(Full of Crap).. and they come in TONNES!
• Interestingly, in Control Thry, apparently, we are going to be tested on something that we have not been fully taught on.. and the weightage for it is gonna be like a crappy 25% to 30% for it.. its something like drawing root locus by hand..Ah Haaa! If i ever master that.. I will happily pass this paper with no sweat.. only if...
• Java?? Its gonna be like 20% on the Internet part and 30% on those freakish Java Stuff..
• For electronics.. I have no idea.. Not that I nv attended the lecture and tuts.. In fact, I've been faithfully doing it.. but u know what, I'm just not cut for it.. It hurts me greatly too.. All I know, we are going to be tested on npn and Nmos... IC Cascode high frequency response.. But all I know abt electronics is.. erm.. well..
• As for my DSP.. Its a real let down man... I dun noe... Its a subject that I'm interested in.. but I just don't get it! I can't get the basics right.. Its really sucky! I hate myself for it..

I've got over giving myself loads of stress... I've been telling myself abt this.. Even If I fail them, I will just have to repeat it... I suppose there is nutting wrong with failing... the only thing wrong with failure is that one refuses to pick oneself up after failing.. So be it that I'm gonna take 2 years to 3 years or even 4 years to complete this degree.. I'm just gonna do it.

I'm not a studious kid! I'm just good at finding ways to go thru it.. scattered or unscattered.. its all luck.. Perhaps, the way of uni is not how much you can do alone.. rather, its how much you can get from everyone around u... For example..

In a lecture hall of 100 students.. There is a Professor teaching.. 99 of them is learn (apparently, there is suppose to be at least 1 joker in every lecture hall.. trust me, there will always be one.. at least) So it simply means, there is going to be 1 set of knowledge that is passed down, but 99 different views of perceptions. These 99 perceptions will only be complete when they are put together..

So what I'm trying to say here is that, its never enough to learn as an individual.. Uni is all about how many bits and pieces u can put together to form the big picture.. But sadly in the culture of uni.. people just don't see things this way.. They ought to go thru my beloved PBL system.. learn the spirit of it..

Anyway.. I got a chance to savour some traditional Persian food yesterday.. Cool.. it was great! My frend's mummy made them.. she came all the way from Dubai just to spend time with my frend.. Wasn't it cool?

Yes.. After that.. When I came home last nite, I immediately changed my MSN nick.. yes.. I'm really green with envy.. I just wanted my mummy to be by my side.. Yes.. nag at me for all she want.. I dun care.. I want to go home.. Spare my loved ones from the trouble of travelling.. I m gonna do the travelling myself.. I guess to have every loved ones by my side.. I might need to charter a whole plane to fly from SG to Sydney... So I assume it will be way cheaper to get a stupid tix n fly back home..! I just hope to make up for the time I've lost over the past few months.. and towards my family.. its gonna be the time I've lost over the past 20 years..

This morning church service made it worst.. The feeling really rose up high.. I almost cried.. I mean.. the church service was great.. it brought me back so close to home emotionally.. Every sunday, it made me feel the same.. everytime I would feel this funny feeling (apparently I can't find any words for it).. I just miss home so much.. It has never decreased since day 1.. I always thot I could be strong. An individual. But there is always this some part of me who yearns for these warmth.. I do break down too..

Life is a test of endurance I suppose. How much can I go thru will determine how far I can go.. Perhaps now is a good chance of testing myself.. since day 1.. I'm clearer than anyone.. I knew I can't turn back..

So.. before you know it.. I might be knocking on your door in a few weeks time! Dun be surprise if I do that!

Going back to the warmth of my beloved textbooks again...
Ciao!

Seconds by seconds,
I just felt closer to home and reunion

100 day.. showing you how money can cause family ties to be forgo..

Whoo.. Damn tulan..

Today is my grandma's 100 day death aniversary.. And all of those heartless creeps came to my place and created a scene.

Ok.. first of all, I must refresh everyone's memories.. I did say this before I left Singapore.. Should anyone of them ever come and mess up my family life.. I shall be back and mess up theirs.. No one speaks ill of my family! And DAMN those buggers! Actually dare to come to my place and mess around! Insult me for all I care.. Just the bloody damn hell leave my parents alone.. esp my mother!

I can't stand it anymore! Oh damn it, this is so maddening.. I swear they shall see no end to my nonsense for disrupting the lifes of my family.

My parents have done all they could to provide for my grandmother.. for the fact that she has been living with my family for at least 30 freaking years.. and WITHOUT A SINGLE CENT from any others. What more can they ask for?

Life was a misery for my mother for the past 30 odd years.. Bearing all those awful words, dirty looks, insulting comments.. What wrong has she done to deserve such ill treatment. She has been a faithful wife, a dutiful daughter-in-law, a wonderous mother.. what more can these people ask for? For all these years.. this lady whom i dearly called "ma" has been serving the family without any grumbles.. without asking for anything in return, she perservered.. She was always there for the family.. caring for that old lady who was practically ABANDONED by the other children.. Hasn't she done enough?

Their accusations: My mum ignored the old lady, causing her to suffer in slience.. Not taking care of her needs.. Didn't bring her to the hospital but instead rang up the old lady's other children to bring her to the hospital.

My Point of View: I only need to ask a few questions..

1. Who woke up in the middle of the night to help the old lady when she fell?
2. Who had to stay in the hospital just to wait outside the ICU?
3. Who cook for her everyday.. 7 days a week, 365 days a year?
4. Who washes her clothes for her?
5. Who clean after her when she make a mess out of everything?
6. Who brought her to the clinic for every slightliest reasons?
7. Who has been serving her for the past at least 30 freaking years?
8. Even at the funeral, who has to forgo her meals just to take care of every nitty gritty?

Simply my mum..

She is someone who I can't bring her shopping around, for she is always worried about the old lady at home.. Ever since i grew to be independent, I would always love to bring my mum out for a little shopping trip, but often, it will end up with the both of us feeling unhappy becos she will always request to go home, even when she hasn't done abit of shopping.. Ever since, I have grew to dislike going home, as home is always a stressful place for me..

More than 3 months since she past away.. Still fighting over her money. I was indeed very disgusted by them.. Fancy talking about spliting the $$ even before the old lady took her last breathe. I felt so upset for her.. and I actually cried for her.. I feel so sad that even on her death bed, no children was there to shed real tears for her.. Everything was just an act.. to gain pity.. Mayhaps, all thot that the more tears shed, the more $$ they get.. Its really disheartening..

Today they came to my place.. and insulted my family. How dare they do that! What insolence. So my worst fear had came true.. They came and mess up my family.. They said my father was getting old and senile and ignore that old lady becos of that. They indirectly blame my mum for the old lady's death. They said my sister insulted one of the aunt.. like how many freaking years back.. They said my brother didn't buy lunch for the old lady, causing her to go hungry that day.. when my mum wasn't in SG. ("that day" was like many years back) .. They said I was so rude n fouled tempered and I said some insulting comments in the hospital that offended them.. (which wasn't true.. I said those insulting words about them EVERYWHERE I GO!) They said my sister didn't serve them drinks and didn't bothered to greet them.. (yeah.. as if their children bothered with those greetings)

Like I said, I don't only say those harsh words in the hospital.. I would bring them everywhere i go.. I will tell everyone about the bad things they do.. I tell no lies. Facts are there to be seen. No one can hide them. Even if I don't say, people can judge for themselves. If they had truly cared for their mother, they would have visited her at least once of twice a month.. or at least bring her out for a meal or a walk.. But sadly, none did..

So whats there to complain? Those people are rich enough, in fact much richer than my family. So whats the fight over money for? Simply GREED. None of them had much use for that money they are getting.. I dun care about this money.. for I know I have the capablities to earn as much as I want to. I have no need to fight over such pitiful sum of money. Being Poor is not wrong, just live life with dinigity and integrity. Still dare to tell my family to "keep it within the family" .. My family has done nutting wrong, and I don't see the point of hiding dirty facts of what they did from the rest of the world. They are sinners! They deserve all the attention they should get. They deserved to be look down upon by the rest of the world, and I shall not shelther them from it.

Whatever they do now, will earn them the retribution they deserved. Bad karma will fall upon them. Their children, I believe, will one day treat them the same as they treated their mother.

Heaven can see.. God can hear my cry for justice to be done.

Just wait till I get home.. I shall see how they fall..

Dr Wee's Theorem

Have you guys seen a heater before? Thats like something i thot i will never own in life.. But hey, I just bought one a few days ago.. Its cool.. or rather, its warm.. Simply love having it by my feet.. ah.. dun you jus feel so good? I just I'm missing out on the warm sunshine in SG..

I've been taking loads of fruits and vegs to make up for my lost of vitamins due to the extreme lack of sleep.. I took a trip into the world of formulas and graphs.. Programming and more Programming.. All till i came to a point where I say.. it has to stop somehow.. I can't take so much. So what happened after class yesterday was that me and my buddies make a detour to the UniBar for some music to end the day.. It does feel good to end of a day of hardwork at the Bar.. with chips, drinks, music, pool and so much fun and laughter..

Even superman gets tired and need to rest occassionally. And wats worst is that... I'm not a superman.
-----------------------------------
(I doze off after the first part of blogging.. arghh.. sorry..)

This part of my entry is specially dedicated to faithy..

Dun think so negatively.. Come on.. cheer up! I do also feel very upset at times when I hear abt frends going elsewhere without me.. ESP when I'm stuck here.. It gets worst esp when you know you can't be there to enjoy the same fun with them. I do really feel sour in my heart. Nah, I'm sure sometimes the rest would miss my company just like I miss them.

Blog is never a way to gauge your popularity or the amount of friends you have. Blogging is just a simple matter of "give and take".. writters get to give all their thots but its up to individual reader to take in wat the writer wants to convey. Take for example our one of our SG's most popular blog.. my personal fave blog to find some fun (i dun go there anymore cos i rather spend time reading my friend's bloggy or plough thru my textbks) .. none other than www.xiaxue.blogspot.com oh boy this girl is a real entertainer, she has a few thousand readers (bored ppl) reading her stuff on daily basis. Man i say this girl blogs alot, she points her fingers at anything.. Obsessed with her own theories and definition of "beauty and uglyiness".

Such a blog with such high reader-ship.. but coming back to it.. how many people who read her blog cares about her damn life? Most prolly, a big majority of her readers are just like me.. seeking some entertainment from the web. Who cares about her anyway? She isn't my friend.. You should be glad in fact, for the fact that those who read your blog are those who seeks to find out more about your on going life, and care about you and your thots. Am I right to say that?

So comparing you and xiaxue.. She is such a loser..

Anyway, friendship is all about giving and taking.. no one gives forever, no one takes forever. It has a limit, once blown, consider it over. Don't ask me for definition of friends.. Till now, I still dun have a definite answer. Talk about friends, I do have lots of them. But seriously, how many are real, you will never know.

True that distance has definitely put stress on me and many of my relationships.. it really puts a weight in my heart. But I say, what is fated to come will come. If these relationship were meant to be there.. it will be there. Sometimes, distance do help strengthen a relationship I guess.. Esp with my family. One good thing is that these distance has definitely brought me closer to my family by heart. Without seperation, you will never find out how close you actually were.

But always remember this, losing a friend dun put u on the losing end, when you lose a friend, it just mean that this friend is not worth you care and attention. He/she should be the one to cry for the lost of such previledges? attention. Don't u think so?`

Cheer up girl, for at least u know, there is still a person caring for u all the way from the southern hemisphere.. Isn't that cool? Hehe

(cool, lucky i've decided to blog them out instead of leaving little msg in the shoutbox.. u will go crazy with the amount of little msg u get..)

Seconds by seconds,
I just felt closer to home and reunion.

Putting it down..

Really bothered recently..
Plenty of reasons being so..

1. I've always talk about going home.. but when will I get to go back? When will I ever get to step on my beloved land again?
   What seems like yesterday.. the sight of all my friends at the airport.. Biding farewell.. I didn't want my family to come.. for a fact that.. I just dun noe how I should put it..
   I just can't put my heart to anything here.. simply because I had left my heart in Singapore..
2. Exams are coming.. I'm left with exactly 1 month to my first paper. My Java paper.. followed by Control Thry, DSP then Electronics.. My heart is racing with every ticking seconds.. 2 Weeks decides my fate.. to live or to die.. fate lies in these 4 papers..
3. My Engineering Management results are back.. did slightly better for this time round.. got 15.6 out of highest possible of 20 marks (thats 78%) --- previous was 10.5 out of 15 = 70%.. Thats kind of a little improvement from the previous mid term exam.. but due to the sucky mid term I've got.. now.. I'm standing at 74.5% for this semester.. Which.. in another words..
   I M JUST THE FREAKING 0.5% OFF MY DISTINCTION MARK!!!!! dun u just feel so pissed by that?
4. There is this damn toothache that is causing me pain.. Now that I can't even enjoy my sandwich like I used to do.. Wonder if its the wisdom tooth thingy.. arghh..

Ever realised that my blog seems to come in point form? Perhaps now everything comes in point-form to me.. this is my way of remembering things perhaps... One more thing I realised.. Engineers hates round things! They are all squar-ish block minded! And those who can't think straight can't be good engineers.. Hahaa

Seconds by seconds,
I just felt closer to home and reunion.

Where are my rights?

Just had my final exam for one of my subjects.. Now I have 2 news for ya.. A good one and a bad one..

Good news is that I definitely will pass...
Bad news is that I definitely wun't score.. But hopefully I'm wrong!

Thats all I can say about it.. nutting much better to mention... Or maybe just to add on.. I was a partner in cheating this time round.. I didn't copied nor did i allow anyone to copy my answers.. just that when I stood up and turned to my back, a friend asked for answers.. Shocked by it totally.. Cool! No wonder I keep getting knocks on my chair.. so it was a signal for me to "share" answers..

I do feel sad for my friend, cos the questions I helped her with was some of the easiest in the whole paper... Get what I'm trying to say? I dun mind helping her.. Just hope that no one takes it for granted.. I just hate the feeling of being taken for granted.. don't u simply feel that way..

Got a bad start for the morning today.. Was waken by knocks on my door.. all those shoutings of my name.. damn it! For what purpose??? Just to borrow something! Well.. this is not the first time I'm getting knocks on doors for such simple things!

I mean for godness sake... SPARE A THOT FOR ME! I'm not like u who could spend nights watching movies and anime, trying to clear serials after serials... I work late into the nights, sometimes even work throughout.. I tink I deserve a good rest more than any one of u, AND U KNOW THAT! The fact that this is not the first time I'm being awaken by such issues that makes me so damn pissed! The fact that I dun flare up upon being waken doesn't mean I dun have the rights to flare up!!! Y do people have to take advantages of such things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn it! I'm feeling really stupid!

Where are my rights?
All I ask for is a good rest and not to be waken by such little things.. i need all the rest i can get..
All I ask for is a more considerate neighbour.. just someone who could at least care for things in the house..
All I ask for is a bit less essays to write, "proof-read" and print.. i need more concentration on my own work..
All I ask for is a cleaner environment, without those roachies.. i need a cleaner "home".. is that very difficult?

All in all, I just want alittle lesser trouble.. thats all... Maybe I'm asking for too much.. but hey! Aren't you telling me about being Civic minded a few days ago? Aren't you gonna apply those things on yourself! STOP this freaking thinking that I MUST help! Stop thinking SOOOO highly of yourself.. well, if U r soo good, then STOP asking help from me then! I just hate being taken for granted! ARGHHHhhh just 2 words to describe my current feelings.. "DAMN TULAN"!

Its such a freaky pain in the arse! Damn it! Can't I just live everyday peacefully..?? Going back to work now.. damn it..

Seconds by seconds,
I just felt closer to home and reunion.

My dreams..

Good day.
How ya doing mate!

Just back from faithy blog.. She was blogging about entering adulthood and stuff like that. Come to think of it.. have I really stepped into mine? Think about this.. When was the last time when you don't have to be responsible for the decisions u made? For me.. it was way longer than I can recall...

Definition from my fave website: the state (and responsibilities) of a person who has attained maturity.

A person who is mature, has to hold responsibilities. Come to think of it.. So many of my friends are turning 21 this yr, so do i. What does it really symbolise to turn 21? I just can't forget the terror of turning 20 last year.. having that "2" infront. So how do we define "young", "adult", "mature"... blah blah.. Friends would just tell me this.. "nah.. u are still young, not to worry so much for future" and whatever lah.. If 21 symbolises stepping into adulthood, it means I'm no longer young, I no longer enjoy consessions like I use to.

Pondering over it, what do I have in future? What is my path ahead of me? What profession would I go into? Where will I be in 10 years down the road? Will I become an engineer as what people would assume? All these future isn't far.. It might be here before you can even prepare for it.

Seriously speaking, I do have a list of "what I want to be in future".. Lets go through it starting from my "oldest" dream..

1. Doctor: Reason being, doctors earn lots of $$$.. Its cool to have people calling you Doctor Wee, dun u think so? Cool.. The biggest pull off was that ... Why in the hell is everyone having the same dream as me??? Nah.. I dun wan to be the same as "anyone of the rest.." Anyway, I'm a person who has poor memory.. I never forget this story about my Primary school servant, Ah moi. It was said that her husband died because during an operation, the doctors left a scissors inside his stomach. I seriously dun wan to cause any death because of my scatterbraininess.
2. Pianist: Reason being I thot its really cool to compose songs to call your own, all the fame and recognition you get.. Biggest pull off was because my fingers never do me proud.. Till now, then I realise this.. they were good for things like MSN.. not piano.
3. Teacher: Reason being its a very well respected job. And you can get so many presents on teacher's day! Fwahaha!! Nah, I've always like this profession because I respected my teachers in a way that I dun always show it thou. Biggest pull off was that alot of teachers were actually bugged with ill-health, this was a kind of trade off for the kind of pay they are receiving... And the other major one was NIE dun wan me.. Of cos, something that puts me off was that.. "y is that girl sitting next to me copying me again?" But over the years, this dream comes back to me over and over again.
4. Cook: Reason being I love to play with food. I love being praised in a way. Biggest pull off was I wasn't born with a sensitive taste bud, and over the years, I've learn to hate questions like "Do u think this taste good?" and "Is this saltish enough?" But even if so, I still love cooking every now and then.. But now, I've develop theories like "food no matter nice or not, will all taste good provided you are eating it with companies you enjoy.
5. Financial Analyst: Reason being I love to count $$$, and even if I don't have so much $$$, I still can count others' $$$. Biggest pull off was that I never like accounting.. due to the fact that I've got some really weird accounting teachers! Freaks! But seriously, they are not be be totally blamed, cos at that time, I wasn't serious about my studies. I have always believed that even if I don't like them, I will have my way to go thru it. But apparently, I didn't bother about it at that time.
6. Musician: Reason being I fell deeply in love with chinese orchestra. Performing with SCO was my dream. Becoming a top notch soloist and all those stuff. Biggest pull off was that I m not allowed to persue this dream. I guess its just normal that all parents wouldn't want their children to become musicians and artists because of the harsh fact of life that these professions are those which is deemed as the unwanted.. cos it makes them think of street baskers! But now, think about it, if I really got my way to it, would I really get to know you guys.
7. Artist: Reason being I love acting and I thot I m gifted in this area since young. Ever since TV came into my life.. I always have such dreams, but it wasn't until I've won "The Best Actress" Award that my dream became more defined, but its really until I've got exposed to stage plays then I got really into this dream. I have always thot of join ThearterWorks and those drama companies in SG at that time. Biggest pull off was again my parents. The are the more old fashion people I guess.
8. Computer Games Programmer: Reason being I always loved computers but wasn't given much of a chance to use them since young.. Now that computer and I could never be seperated.. who would have thot of it 10 years ago when the liping they knew was a computer idiot and dun even own a proper computer then? But even if not game programmer, I have always wanted to have something to do with computers due to many reasons, one of them being my relatives! I wun go too much into that for now... anyway, Biggest pull off..my programming really sucks big time!
9. Counsellor: Reason being I love helping people, I love solving problems for others. I wanted the world to feel that help is always there for them, cheerene is always there to cheer u up. Biggest pull off.. I get too much into their life. Its more like putting myself into their shoe, which is a no no in this profession.
10. CEO and founder of my own company (name has yet to be chosen, mus choose carefully, for you never know, it might get listed on NASDAQ one day): Reason being I have been wanting to taste the success of running my own biz. The kind of satisfaction if can give me. That will be what others will have problems trying to copy me. There are tonnes of other reasons that is to why I wanted to setup my company. One of it which has grown even more important to me over the past few years was that I wanted to provide a good life for my mum esp. Biggest pull off was the capital problem.. nevertheless, I had never give up on it. I will work on it.. and lets set a target for 60K by the age of 25. Something that I learn from Sim Wong Hoo.. which is to have BHAG.. Big Hairy Audacious Goal.. Mine wasn't really that big and hairy.. But its just the question marks I have that makes is audacious. At the same time, going towards this goal means I have alot of things to give up as well.. But nutting is going to stop me this time. You never know what has been building up over the years in this puny brain of mine..

Just had so much to blog but not much time for it... Till I finish my revision for my exams, I shall blog on the things i want to do.. Maybe by midnite tonite, I can finish this subject.. Hopefullly.. if not, most prob, you wun be hearing from me..

Time really seems to past very fast over here.. Day 70 here already! Isn't that fast? Almost clearing a third of my stay here for this year.. I'm just so thrilled that with every passing day, it means I'm a day closer to home.

To conclude up everything, future lies in your own hand... I had mine in my hand, and I know that, if I don't stop now and get back to work.. I would have not much of a bright future to speak of.. Haahaha.. Go for a shower to clear my brain now.. getting back to work at full gear! Woo!

I just felt closer to home and reunion.

Shame on you..

ARGH..

Back at long last.. Feeling really tired and shaggy.. an hour long march with a laptop hung over my back.. Cool huh!

There is a kind of feeling building up inside me.. Long time since i can dislike someone up too this stage. Really can't stand his fake-ness, cocky-ness, ugly-ness. Please do not get me wrong, I have nothing against ugly people or whatever.. I'm not saying that I'm very pretty.. but at the very least, I definitely have a more presentable face than him. Anyway, back to the point, I'm not talking much about the physical outlook, rather, its more of the heart he has.. But no matter what, I still have to say this.. HE IS UGLY BOTH IN THE PHYSICAL OUTLOOK AND THE HEART..

Seen many 2 headed snakes around? Well if you want, you might call him a multiheaded cobra or python or whatever you like. Never have I seen such kind of guys in my life.. he is far worst than the worst. A total disgrace to the race of man..

Seriously, I can never clearly explain why I hated him so much.. His character really sucks big time. The things he do really make me puke! Totally going against my principle of helping.. His behaviour is disgusting.. and those girls are definitely not in the right state of mind to tolerate such unspeakable behaviour. A man of no values, a man of no character, a man of no disclipline, a man whose brain is filled with cow dung! Shitty fella!

If you ever feel like asking me what this guy has done to incur my wrath, Don't bother to ask. You might want to think that I'm childish or whatever shit, I don't care! I think I should have the freedom to choose what kind of people I want to make friends with. He is definitely not making it to my list... Gonna delete him one fine day... To think I'm still kind enough to give him the chance to be on my msn list.. my msn list dun consist of any tom, dick nor harry! Its such an insult to the rest on my list.. And I deeply apologise for it..

I am truly ashame of myself for saying those things above, but he ought to be more ashame because all I've said is nothing but the truth.


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

la la la

Nutting better to do.. tired after a report... feel like taking a break.. dun feel like working anymore..

Battery flat.. Hee..

Fingers have been going nonstop for long time.. Im mentally tired.. Brain juice all drained out... a holiday is coming this monday.. yipee! More time to work on my secret manual..

Haik! I dun really know what to write here at this moment.. Till next time ba..

Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Utter dissapointment..

Bet you might already found out why I'm writing this post again..

Yes.. Another of my subject is gone.. Just saw my mid term exam results a moment ago.. Didn't flop it.. but jus didn't do well in it.. score only 70% for it. Its really saddening. This subject is my most confident subject and it turns out to be such a dissapointment.

Don't know what to say about it.. Can't concentrate on anything now.. 70% is never going to let me get near to my goal of a distinction for this subject.. Which I guess is a bare minimum as my frend was telling me that it would be a real shame if one only manage to get a "credit" for this subject.. really scared..

I just hate myself for not being able to perform well.. Where is the old me? Where has my hopes and dreams and those big and wonderful theories gone to when I needed them most..?? Where is my faith, where is my believes? Where is the old Cheerene who can jump around with joy for just passing a simple test?

I know I can never be my same old self again.. Perhaps the world has just lost the old cheerene.. in replacement was someone who is dominated by scores and grades, results and positions. No longer her old self.. No longer what she thot she was..

I know I'm not fit to be angry with anyone or anything.. I guess I can only vent this anger on myself then.. Its all my fault for being stupid.. I can't blame anyone else..

Remember what faithy used to tell me.. she used to tell me how she admired me.. *wonders if she can still remember it* .. yes its a really great feeling to b admired by people, and she really makes me feel proud of it. And because of what she had said, I really swelled with pride! But that was in the past, at this moment, I had nutting for anyone to admire anymore..

Sometime ago, I received an email.. I was really upset with the contents. Thou wat it said was really true, but I just can't take the fact.. it was way too hard to swallow.. the Hard Facts of Life.. I'm just not as good as everyone thinks. I'm just a good-for-nutting..

Should I be happy that I've passed a paper? Haa.. Doubt so..

=====================
Thats all I want to say about my results for my mid term paper.. Dun ask about it anymore.. is that a deal?

What i wanted to speak about, is something that has been troubling me for sometime..

Recently, I've been bothered by a spat of bad dreams and horrible nitemares.. They seems to have deeper meaning behind them, but I just dun noe what they actually meant.

Ever heard about having a spirit or something to lie on you when you sleep, causing difficulties in getting up and all sorts of things? Sounds scary don't you think? Yeah.. Its really scary that day. Soon, even weirder dreams came along.. for days, I'm always badly waken up by these bad dreams of watever kind.

Due to stress perhaps.. Haiz..

=====================
Next thing I wanted to talk about is regarding a silly yet "cannot dun get it off my heart" topic.. about my frends..

I've seen much much more recently.. About friends who leave u in lurch at times of great needs or whatever... So what do we call them? Friends or Fiends?

First..
definition of friend: A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

I always told myself to give unconditionally, love unconditionally.. but I never managed to do that.. I would always hope for something in return.. In another words, I always expected help to come to me when I need them..

But is it wrong to have such expectations? Doesn't everyone have such expectations in a way? I'm really puzzled with life, and the way it works.. I believe in giving chances.. but seriously, would a REAL friend need so many chances to prove oneself as a "friend"?

Doubt so.. Anyway, here's a toast to our friendship.. real or fake, up to you! Dun have to tell me, I can see for myself... I'm sick and tired of it... really, just give me a break..

My God,

All I ask for is someone I could totally trust. Was that too much to ask for? I dun noe.. God, pleas enlighten me.. I believe I have put in effort in any relationship.. But apparently, that is not the case..

praying hard..


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Upgrade boyfriend 5.0 to husband 1.0 - Pentium version

I assume that most of my avid fans are computer literate.. Duh! Shouldn't have much problem understanding wats inside this dumb joke.. Enjoy..

---Here Goes---

Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and Would Cup 2.0.

And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

=====================
Reply:

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind: Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1. Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance.I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.

Good Luck,
IT Support


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Yet another one has gone to serve his nation with pride.. yeah.. another one heading for Tekong again..

Yes, Coach Keongz has finally step onto a brand new chapter in his life... A life I would never need to go thru I guess.. But I guess he would really learn alot there.. Just like I do when I came over.. Hey man! Hope u will enjoy urself with those freaking trainings inside!

Actually wanted to give coach keong an sms, but I was too busy today.. had a mid term exam today.. this marks my first major exams over here.. Yeah major exam.. Cool huh! Well, at least I'm confident of getting a pass for this! Then my java assignment.. arhhg.. I will talk about that in a moment..

But anyway.. here is a msg for Coach Keong!
"Yo man! Thou the words U say, at times, can get pretty weird! But.. I still miss them thou! Hahaha! Hope u will be enjoying life there! Wear a cap incase ur hairless head catches a cold! =X Training will b tough.. But I'm sure u ...shld be up to it, i guess! Afterall, u are not a coach for nutting?!? Look forward, as we shall soon be able to enjoy our Ba Chou Mee at 85 market!! Well... in another 7 months time roughly. Haa"

Jus finish the god damn java.. I guess I shld say.. the rest finished my god damn java instead! I dun noe how I can express out this anger in me.. but, I can never forgive myself for this.. thats for sure. Enough about it, I'm damn sick of it.. I m sure the rest do as well.

So 2 days without sleep.. I shld retire early tonite.. Woahaha.. Nah, tonnes of research yet to be done! Slp wat shit! Kaoz! I dun noe y, I jus feel so vulgar today..


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

I'm loving u guys!

God.. Blogging bug has once again come alive!! Do check out some of the new links above..!! Dun miss out some of the latest updates of our friends!! Woopee!!

Oh yeah.. then again.. I've long wanted to blog on this topic.. just that I always brush it off with.. "aiya.. no time lah.. next time lo" .. it goes to show how lazy i am! Geez.. this is a well known fact about me! Dun tell me u dun know!

Been wanting to blog something about the comparsion of life in Singapore and Aussie land.. Whats makes it so different.. what makes it so attractive for SGreans to come over?? What is the pros of coming over, and of cos, the cons!! What brought me here.. what is my biggest regret.. what is the thing I miss most? So many WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN??

Its not going to be short.. jus bear with it pls..

Clearly remember when I first landed down at Sydney Airport.. whats my first thot?? Guess wat.. Its a really evil thot! Oh man.. I do feel abit uneasy to share it out here.. but I guess it will be fine.. Hahaha.. well.. here goes.
"Oh man, freedom.. I'm gonna embrace u like never before!! From this very moment onwards.. its just gonna be u and me.."
Well, thats what came over me that very morning I first set my foot on this foreign land.. I landed at around 3:30am SG time that day.. which is like 7:30am NSW time.. The queue was very bad.. I only managed to clear the customs after at least 1 to 2 hour later..

So whats really different about our motherland and Aussieland?? Building is the first thing u would ever realise.. Where has the skyscrapers gone to?? Yeah, maybe its all in the Sydney central.. but till now, I've still yet to set my foot on Sydney since I step into Wollongong.. this jus goes to show how dorminant I am.. Anyway, our library here.. Its only like 3 to 4 stories high?? where has our 11-stories TP library gone to?

Weather-wise, I don't really enjoy it.. thou its pretty cooling at times, it can get pretty hot too.. And at times, u are jus gonna hate the rain! Its practically none stop, one thing special about the rain, its so quiet that U wun even know its raining.. Worst thing that I've encountered.. Its raining ICE!! Woo man.. ICE falling from above.. Mag was still kidding with me, she said it might be the fella living above me who is pouring ice at my window! Aw.. Hehehe.. thanks mag! Lolx.. But I would say generally, it has pretty fine weather. pretty cooling, u wun sweat like what u are used to in SG..

Food wise, I'm easy with food.. not much of a preference.. if u were to ask me to choose, oh pls... jus give me back my mum's yong tau foo soup and the bak kut teh! I'm just so lazy to cook a proper meal.. that day, I just got nagged by my poly buddy.. (ok chewling.. dun point fingers now!! yes i'm talking abt u!!!) all because I ate some chicken porridge I cook around a week ago or less? I left it in the fridge.. But it taste ok lah.. Afterall, I've inherited my mum's genes leh! how can my cooking be that bad?? Haa.. jus that I can be reeeellly lazy at times. But ultimately, I know chewling wun nag if she doesn't care!! Thanks girl, I'll listen to u de!! Ok, back to the topic.. U can't find things that we eat normally over here. One thing I really missed... my bak gua... Chris promised me 1kg when I go home.. I just can't wait.. oh man!! Anyway, by now, most of you should have know that my house is full of friends from China.. Haa, and of cos, I picked up a few dishes from them.. I shall try them out when I'm home this coming Nov (hopefully)..

Transportation-wise, I really hate it man! Going places?? Gear up yourself with a comfy pair of shoes and off u go! Its walking and more walking!! Hey, I wouldn't mind if the person walking next to me is him.. I would then hope that we will take forever to reach our destination.. Buses here, not that cheap, its like $1.50 from the university to the city mall.. and thats not the worst, the worst is the frequency of the bus! Pls dun expect something like SBS, here, expect something like 1 hr a bus.. miss it? better go home for a cup of tea first, rather than wait in the cold wind.. But the good thing I love about the buses here.. the drivers are really friendly..

I would say, Aussies are really a great bunch of people! I love their friendliness! Cool huh! Back in SG, u never really find strangers on the road smiling at u, wishing u "Good day" dun u? They do over here.. I'm loving it.. every morning, I would greet those old granny and grand daddy with a warm smile and a simple hello... It would really make my day, and theirs! How good is this feeling.. Something I never had in SG I guess.. I guess this will be the most lovely memories I will keep when I return home.

So whats the thing that attracted ppl like me to come over?? A simpler life? Nah.. Initially, I oso had this idea, life here would be easy, and I even had the idea of settling down here.. But maybe I'm not the type who can really fit into such a life easily. I need more adventure in life! So I guess, concrete garden is still the best place for me! But really, aussie would be a nice place for u to come for a rest... or can even consider this place for your retirement.. it will be good.. I do have plans of coming over here to retire.. that is if I have the money.. Hahaha.. Seriously, air here smells nicer too! Sweet flora fragrance.. Greenery everywhere. Indeed a very lovely place for u to relax your mind.. (thats if ur motive here is to relax.. not to study).. Seriously, do consider this place for ur holidays.. In the city area, not small little towns like Wollongong.. some farmstay would be great too!

So what brings me over to aussie? Well, this is indeed unplanned of a year ago.. as a matter of fact, I guess some of u guys might have heard me saying this "I will NEVER leave Singapore for my studies.." reason being I'm scared! But somewhere around last July, I've decided on persuing my future.. very unplanned.. I can ever imagine myself as a international student, let alone being an undergrad.. but well, here I m now, as an undergrad of University of Wollongong.. I have to upgrade myself so that I'm worthy of this new status!

I dun noe how many of u have read my blog long time ago.. One of my post mentioned.. abt him.. yeah.. It really happened.. As I told him I wanted to leave.. I do really hope he will ask me to stay in Singapore.. But those words never come.. Till now, my heart occassionally still will ache when I thot of it.. Till now, I've yet to get over him.. If I really wanted words like "wishing you the best in Aussie..." or "work hard.." would I really called him that night? He didn't turn up as promised on the 12 of Feb.. I did call him up after I entered the gates.. He didn't say much.. so did I.. A very good colleague of my, Andrea, once told me.. "once you decided not to tell him, never ever mention it again.." true enough, I thot to myself.. Whats the point of telling him now?? Make him wait for 2 years?? I guess if I really mean well for him, I should let him have a chance to find his real happiness in this 2 years? Afterall, I might not be his real happiness anyway.. But I still like our current status now.. still good buddies.. nutting more, nutting less.. thou a small conflict online that day.. but its over anyway.. Haa.. Now.. We are still very close buddies!! Really!

My worst regret?? It would be that I have to much unfinished work left in Singapore... One of the most important task will be getting all my buddies back together.. I've been thinking alot for the past weeks.. Really, if none of you guys mean anything to me, would I have thot of u ppl so often.. No doubt I might have a mouth which loves to sweet talk.. but, I say, when I say I miss u.. it means I really do.. seriously..

Speaking of the people I miss most?? I guess I better not go into too much of it.. I wun give any form of ranking! I dun want to get into trouble u know.. Deep down, Of cos, at times, such things do have a form of ranking thou... But most importantly, I still must mention some names tonite.. First.. my family.. esp my mom.. love u ma..! Just make sure none of "those people" bully her.. or else I will go back and settle all the scores once and for all! But I guess I still miss everyone back at home.. Perhaps I just dun show my care for them easily.. but one thing I realise, I really love them. Life is so different without them.

Somehow stupid, I jus feel like listing a whole grand list of people I missed.. but still, I want to make a small list thou.. Other then my family... I still have a great deal of u guys to miss!

Mummy Irene, miss her so much.. miss those great badminton sessions we had back then.. I will never forget the very first impression I had of mummy when she step into the lecture hall that day for her ESD lecture... Her patience really make me melt... I'm really impressed with her forgiving, endurance, tolerance.. just too many qualities..

Chris mei mei, thou it might sound funny to her, but deep down, I'm still filled with admirations for this young lady... Getting to know this girl is definitely the most beautiful accident in my life.. A girl like none other.. U can't say she is silly.. she is just the plain O her.. and its this that makes her special.. I'm truly blessed to have such a nice little girl as my sister..

Of cos, my Evil Twin, Smith Leong JH, haaa.. at times our point of view never really match.. given our strong characters.. thou hard for us to mix, but we still did! Thanks to his strong words at times which does wake me up when I needed it! Haa! Thanks evil twin! I owe u a proper testimonial!! That one i gave was just a sick practical joke.

Coach Keong! Another funny fella! Miss his funniness! One unique guy indeed! Hahaha.. Way to go keong! 7 more months before I could go ur place and slack, and not forgetting those instant cup noodles n my lovely ribiena(watever the spelling)! Aunty's cooking is definitely better than mine thou!

Zihua ah.. got boyfrend le, dun forget frends!! Hahaha.. known this lady for a short period of time but maybe.. its the chemistry that works wonder between us.. Watch her change so much.. Its really an eye OPENER! My god! Who else but Zihua can laugh so loud with me in Short Circuit!

Haa! ChewLing!!!!! Another one! cannot forget! this O buddie.. sticking thru thick and thin with me.. one very tough girl who survived the 3 monstrous years with me.. Definitely owe her a very big thank you for helping me with my PCS notes ah!!! I had never forgotten abt it.. And I never will.. Ling ah... 3 years and 8 months le.. "san nian ling ba ge yue".. Of cos, the big thank you is not only for the PCS notes lah!!

Hee.. and my FYP matey!! Chi! Ah.. this pretty lady whom I've known for very long.. this dates back to our year 1.. when me n ling would always find her sitting on the first 2 rows of the lecture hall.. Haa! FYP would never be the same without her.. But we only got to know her only during our year 2 actually... thats when I entered CEN as a newbie!

Jestin! Oh.. this girl ah! Haa.. My blog template creator as many of u know! A great frend who is willing to go great lengths for her frends! U are really fortunate if u have her fighting side by side with u..

My lovely Do Re Mi.. 3 pretty ladies from my secondary school! Haahaa! Thanks for the photoframe! I will definitely choose a very nice photo n put it in!! This 3 ladies are some of the more creative ones who I've met! Blessed with the looks and the brains.. Rare beauties indeed.. Haa! But guys, some of them are attached already.. not that I dun wan to introduce to u people! Lol

Yeah.. My Sec 4 Form Teacher... Miss Tiew.. This young lady.. another one who has won my admiration.. Thou its a long time since we last met up.. but perhaps its all fated that I were to meet up with her a few months before I leave SG, and we still had a little gathering one the eve of my departure. Hey! Thou she is my form teacher.. She is NOT that old as u guys imagine! Oh my, she look even younger than me!! A very nice, yound lady.. unique character. Miss her alot.. Miss those good old days.. Still can clearly remember that afternoon, after her class test, how confident I was to actually walk up to her and shake my head.. "Full marks le lah.." Well, sad to say, I was one of those disturbance in her class!! But for now, I will jus pray for her quietly.. Pray that everything will be fine for her..

Faithy and XR.. funny and really interesting couple! One is a great singer, one is a great photographer.. Wahaha.. Isn't that interesting enough?? What more do I need to say?

Jun.. My sister's schoolmatey! Oh.. my Evil twin's sister rather! Hahaha.. interesting?? Duh! Y do I make eveything sound interesting! Haha.. Anyway.. Dun play scrable with her! So hard to win! Not fun! Lolx..

Andrea.. My dear colleague from creative! Haa.. Very unique personality. A very well learnt person.. Thru out my stay in Creative, I've learnt so much from her words of wisdom.

Jenny!! oh how can I ever forget her! Hahaha.. My partner in almost everything! Partners in crime, etc.. opps! Haha.. Jus a great friend! Great buddy! And almost anything else!! Way to go girl!! We rock!! lol

Bee Leng! Oh... what should I say.. She really take great care of me.. Lovely lady.. really caring.. I bet U can't find another friend like her.. Its just my blessing to get to know her! Where else will u find a great friend like her who takes care of every silght details for u?

There are 2 Kelly that I miss too! Kelly from Creative too! Hee.. My dear kelly, my very wise advisor! a very straight forward person who draws very clear line of her work and personal stuff! Indeed a very "gong shi fen ming" person!! This is her uniqueness that really draws my attention! The 2nd Kelly is none other than my Sec school monsterous buddie!! She is now in HK le.. I must... die die oso must go n visit her one day!! I'm coming, my dear girl!

Gita is a great pal I made over here in Uni! She is just a very fantastic person! Hardworking.. kind, and willing to share.. Helping me with my studies.. pulling me up from the pits.. very fortunate to have the chance to work with her in one of the subjects as team mates.. I know I will have a great time with her!!

But seriously, this list is infinite... it can go pages and pages for sure.. but I need to put it to a stop now.. Got to go and take a shower.. I'm stinking!!

Hee.. Anyway.. I do really miss u guys! Take care buddies!

Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

The Original Smith's !! And the best! Big chips.. authentic aussie chips.. u r gonna love it.. 

Bottoms up with a bottle of Victoria Bitter.. VB thats wat we call it.. visual basic yeah.. well.. abit of this is good for programming thou.. Crap! 

Fool begone!

Thanks Keong!! Well, dun give up on me.. For one thing.. thou I fall easily.. I do get back to feet easily too. Lets just hope things get going soon.. I will work my way to it..

Well, I've been trying to relax myself. On the verge of giving up everything.. So I kind of stared into the celling all day long.. watch some china show over at my house mate's lappy. Surprisingly, after a day of fun, those little circuit circuit things started flowing into my brain.. It was a wonder man!

But my dear miss puny brainy can only take that much at a time.. so i guess.. Relax lo.. see how it goes.. maybe I m really fated to be those C, D and E students.. so be it lo...

I will say, the past few days was really hell for me.. Overly-over-stressed I guess. Really really very upset.. I had a small talk with my sister.. given her young age, sometimes I m quite surprised with her thinking too. All I can say is.. both of us are indeed, on the same boat.

Well, well, well... I've been drinking again.. blurted some nonsense on msn last nite.. but anyway, I'm truly sorry for watever nonsense I've said.

I will relax more... hahaha! Oh.. by the way... Happy April's Fool!

Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Oh Sweetie.. I'm coming.. 

Blog site reloaded

Its up again!! Yeah.. Bloggy Reloaded! Thanks to the ever ready programmer.. Jestin..

Thanks Girl!

Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Week 4 coming to an end..

Adios Amigo!!

Aw... its me again.. Tadaaa!!
I had actually written an entry last nite.. but thanks to some browser error, the entry was gone even before I could get it posted. Naa.. Forget it man. I'll just write once more.. just to get some points across..

I bet most of you would have heard me complaining about my work and all those stuff... well, true that there is alot of work.. tonnes of assignments and incredible amount of reports to clear, but none of these is going to bring me down! Lolx.. (hopefully)

Let us all pray together.. Should have seen some of the photos by now i guess.. So how was it?? Haha.. ok.. tell me the truth.. I grown fatter again right? Yeah, very true.. its due to the bread n more bread that causes me to gain weight again!! Arghh.. sickening.. Those peanut butter is definitely driving me nuts... Aw... Thou the peanut butter dun taste exactly excellent.. but its good enough for me le.. I'm not very choosy over wat i eat anyway.. One thing for sure.. I'm falling in love with peanut butter... Just cannot resist the aroma of peanut in my mouth..

Oh yeah, those photos below.. I purposely got dressed formally for my presentation. Results are out, out of the 2 proposal my group presented... My idea was chosen. Hahaha thats one thing to be happy about I guess. Guess it was the creativity that attracted the judges to choose this project out of the 2 my group submitted. Wonder y I never took a full photo of myself in those clothes?? Well.. I was in shorts that night actually.. that explains y.. hehee. Well, i was jus trying on the clothes then..

I'm kind of getting abit tired to blog now.. I will leave watever I wanted to say till the next one then.. Going to nap now.. I've been missing out on "zzz" for sometime already..


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

cheeky me 

Long way down the calendar before I can go home... 

Shocked! 

All of me.. nutting less..

Aloha!

Yup yup yup.. its more of me and me and me and me again!!! Hahaha.. Bear with it, cos u wun get this kind of nonsense from me so often anyway. Ha.. So far so good, Start school for 2 weeks already. Well, really caught up with work. Yeah, I guess my workload isn't really heavey, just that I'm slower, hence needing more time to work on them. Yeah, blame it on my playfulness in the past, and my unwillingness to work. Now that I have to work 3 times harder than the rest of my peers, I can blame no one for it.. other than myself. Oh well, lets not harp on it anymore.

So i've been here for exactly 21 days already. 3 weeks.. A real busy 3 weeks have past. More busy time to come. Really really really not much time to enjoy myself, like wat most of you would suggested to me. My only time will be spent on MSN, trying to update everyone. But I guess my bloggy will still b my best way to update all of u one shot! Hahaha.. I really miss the times when I could spend my whole night chatting away on MSN with all of u.. but I guess its not really possible afterall. With the work chasing after me, even if my msn is on.. I bet its not really possible for me to chat much with u afterall. So u guys mus bear with me.. wait till i clear my assignments ok!! Wait for me..

So maybe I will just do a quick update for the past 3 weeks maybe.. let you have an idea of wats happening over at this sleepy town.

Week 1:
My Orientation week. Ho, wat a boring one. Hahaha.. Well, after my years in TP, I feel so silly to attend orientation here. Its a real weird feeling.. I've once again, become a NOOB. Yeah, feel so noobish on day 1 of orientation. Hahaa.. think of it, the number of orientations I've work on.. From Mentor's mentor to mentee.. Oh gosh.. Hahaa.. It was indeed some real dumb orientation. Just endless talks and more and more and more talks.. Nah.. boring!

Then went to settle my accomodations, only then get to know that I have no where to stay. Ho.. Thanks to UOW for doing this to me!!! No permanent place to stay and all alone in Sleepy Town. I never want to go thru it ever again. Its really really very scary. That day, I was so scare that I went back to my room at the inn and cried. Totally lost and so scare. I didn't even dare to call back home at first. I tried other means to get help over here.

Then after 2 nites at the inn, I moved out and bunk in with some guys that I met the previous day. It was so scary. I only got to know them for less than 24 hours and I'm actually moving into their place.. Hey, mind you, I dun even do that back in Singapore. Wow.. Thats a real scary experience I will say. Then I stayed there for another 2 nites before I finally settle down at my permanent place here at Robsons Road. During that 2 days, I went around and scout for houses. Visiting different places, house after house. Still can't get one that I'm really comfortable with. Then finally got this place. I'm really grateful to get this place already. Not too expensive. Not too far from school. Just a less than 30 mins walk from school. I quite enjoy it here actually thou everything seems abit run down. So after moving in, another guy drove me around the town to get all the stuff I need. So there I go, settled down... and time to get settle into this kind of lifestyle.

U bet those days were really scary. Totally lost. Totally hopeless. I didn't even dare tell anyone esp my family much about it actually. Now that everything has been settled, hahaa, so none of you will worry about it when I speak of it now. I have no wish of letting anyone worry abt these little things about me.

Since getting my accomodation settled, everything has been going on quite smoothely for me. Met a CEN senior over here. Winston is his name. he graduated in 2001, hahaha..when he grad, I jus joined TP. So interesting. He is really helpful to me. He even gave me all the books for all the subjects. And his notes too. Really grateful for his help. Last sunday he still drove me around the sleepy town to get my printer, some food and showed me around some places. Of cos, winston wasn't the only one who has been helping me.. There were Billy, Dexter, Wilson, Yang, John, Jason.. and many many others. The guys were really nice to me. Really got to thank god!
Lucky me..

Week 2:
School started.. I was so overwhelmed by my timetable. Haiz.. U just got to see those big holes I have in the time table! But I guess I have no other coice but to stick to it.

Lessons were hard. I was worried sick. So much to learn, but yet I couldn't understand wat the lecturer was talking about. I'm so scare to even raise my hand in the lecture hall. Never in my life have I got so worried abt not understanding the content of any lectures I've attended. Yeah, I've definitely changed my attitude towards my studies already. I've learnt my lessons the hard way. Definitely must learn from my idol.. andrew. his attitude towards his work. Ask for nutting less than perfect..

"If you could get 100 marks, why settle for 99?"
-Got this from TV a long time ago-

So I even read up on my lecture notes prior to lesson. Thou I couldn't understand abit of it. I guess I should just push on. I believe one day, I will be able to understand the lesson fully before I even step into the lecture hall. Trying out every single question of the tutorial is a must for me.. definitely. I will work hard on it.. Do everyone proud!

Week 3:
Labs started to come in. I'm pretty fine during lab sessions, except that I'm alittle slow. Thou I couldn't finish al my lab assignments, but no fret, I've got matlab and java stuff all in my lappy, so I can work from practically anywhere anytime.

I'm still facing a great deal of problems with my tuts and lectures thou. But i'm working on it.

I made a great deal of friends. All over the world. Africa, India, Hong Kong, China, Indonesia, Malaysia and the list goes on..

So maybe thats all I have to update. Do email me often, or just drop me a msg on msn.. I'm always there for everyone.. just like everyone is always there for me.. Haha. Anyway, I've uploaded somepictures I've taken over here.. Enjoy!

Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Hahaha.. I'm 3 hours faster than al of u.. It means I get to end my classes earlier that any of you!! Hahaha.. 

Guess what's this?? Yeah, Its from Mei mei.. Hahaa, bet she is happy to see that I'm using it everyday. 

Cooking up a storm! 

Its raining ice.. I almost freaked out that day.. 

I want to go home... 

Something u cannot get in SG.. Chewing gums!!! 

Another me.. 

so its more of me and me and me and me... 

Great Green Pasture.. So greeny.. 

Thats the living room... 

This is where I fell.. not once but twice.. and almost thrice.. 

Meeting you daily needs.. 3 meals a day... 7 days a week 

Mt Keira.. another great view from my window.. Well, I'm gonna conquere it one day.. yeah.. one of these days.. 

Everyday life.. 

From jestin and gang!! Wahaha.. how i wish it can help me finish that whole book.. dot dot dot.. 

What u will find on my bed everyday... 

Back by popular demand.. Here is part of my room.. my study table! Duhx.. Do I really study that much?? 

North Wollongong Beach.. ok lah.. not tat bad.. lol 

updates... all the way from down under..

Time for more bloggy...

Lolx.. My internet is finally up. Thank god.
Well, so far so good, all has been well. Eating well, sleeping well.. but the only thing that I'm troubled over is my studies.. If only I could call it quits. Sad.

I want to go home. 3 weeks have past since I left home. I got pretty lifeless ever since then. Stuck in this sleepy little town. Yeah, telling me to appreciate wat I have now?? Haha.. thanks ah! Thou I must be fair and say that air smells nicer here. Got mountain right infront of my window. Ducks in the ponds. Rabbits hopping around the patches of grass. Seems very interesting isn't it?

Yeah yeah, quite good lah. But I just want to go home.. I miss SG. Well, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Given wat i've been thru since day 1, You can't blame me for hating the school so much!

UOW screws me big time!!! I want to go back TP.. kns.. tat time should have taken some of their suggestions like complete all 4 ETCM diplomas. But like I say.. leave no room for regrets...


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

with Love.. from wollongong

Hi guys,

Sorry that I wasn't able to update my blog. yeah, i wasn't able to come online for the past week. Now finally get to see all of u online. Very happy! Hahaha.. all of u mus take care ah!! I m watching u from aussie ah! Hahaha..

Everything is fine now, I've started class. Wow, very stressful cos I couldn't understand the lessons fully. Very sad ah! Hahaha.. but dun worry abt me, I'm getting on very well here. Made many new frends.. So absolutely dun worry for me! lol

Take care hor u ppl!! dun make me worry for u! Lolx


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Friday: Counting Down to 1 day!!

Finally... counter has reach 1..

I as having a little problem with my sleep.. Tears just kept flowing down.. I know I m afraid. I m scare.

Arghh.. I jus feel so stupid! Hahaha..
Mix feelings...

Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Tuesday: Counting down to 4 days!!

Sorry for my lack of updates.. Yup, i was pretty busy.. or jus say that I'm lazy.

The furneral had ended.. As expected, money matters caused tonnes of trouble. I knew it right from the start. Well, lets not spoil the new year mood with nonsense from those suckers. I have had enough from them the past few days already.

She is finally gone. Perhaps I was heartless.. I didn't shed a tear when I saw her being pushed into the incinerator. I asked myself. Why? Why didn't I cry like some of them?

Reason being I had no love for this old lady who had been staying with me for the past 20 years of my life. Maybe I have been voided of any feelings already. It wasn't anything like tat time I lost my granny (my mum's mum). Tat was during my year 1.1, I could remember that the very next day my grandmother died, when i return to school, poor vinoth got scolded for irritating me!

I still miss my grandmother (my mum's mum).

Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Saturday: Counting down to 7 Days

Just as I was busy with my count down.. someone else ended hers suddenly.

Yes.. my grandmother ended her count today. 1413 to be exact. To tell the truth. I'm not really sadden by her departure. Rather, I'm truly sadden that she didn't really have anyone to shed true tears for her. Well, alot of them were crying in the hospital, but all crocodile tears. I felt very hurt by it. It wasn't the tears that really matters, its wat the heart feels at that moment. The reason I was so upset by them was that they still care so much about the money even at that critical moment. Dun tell me that I have to be logical and practical.

I did cried this morning when I saw her in the ICU. I called out to her.. but .. Thou I may not love the old woman lying on bed 33, ward 6B this morning. But at least, I do feel sad for her, Thou I always would talk bad about her, perhaps a part of me still holds on the some memories. Yes, to me, she is very bad. I never like her at all. Thinking of the problems that she caused in the family. Come to think of it, without her physically being there, I doubt we(as in the whole family of my father side) would even meet up even once a year. Yup, I never have any liking for those relatives, cos i find them proud. But if not for those proudness in them, nutting would have challenged me to move forward.

And yes, her sudden death did really make me think alot. I was more or less in a daze the whole day. Till and extend that I could take a wrong train. That was my first time in life that I ever took a wrong train. Something keep churning in my head. Racing with my heartbeat. I totally lost my coolness. I've been telling myself. Reminding myself. Drilling myself. Not to keep things to myself. But I still couldn't do it. I have alot to say. Too much to express. But did none. Said none.

I knew that I might have no more tomorrow. But I just can't speak up. Surprising! Cheerene can't speak up for herself?? Lolx.. it just made everyone's toes laughing. Yes. I'm not as brave as everyone might assume. I do have a weak side that I try to hide. Stupid weakling thats my nick. Trying to help others before I could even help myself! Arghh.. See how fantastically stupid I can be?

I happened to b reading keong's bloggy a moment ago. Realized that he somehow was like me. Not being able to speak up. But lucky for me. I waited only 2 years. I met him something like 2 years back. Unforgetable.
But I was more or less pushed by my dreams. Born with a temper that is hard to curb. Character that is pretty unique i would say. And talents that are unmeasurable. (God, see how proud I m of myself). Yes, I wan to soar. I have dreams to fulfil. I want to be the best. I dun want to divert my attention. If I want him, I will have to give up my dreams and b the best to him. Or else, I will have to give him up and do the best for my dreams. Either one. No such things as Best of Both World.

Well, if I have not went thru so much, perhaps my choice would be to follow him instead of my dreams. Bits of everything made me the way I m today. So I decided not to say anything to him. I hide. It wasn't an easy decision. Time and again, I feel so hurt, esp when I'm happy, or when I'm having some celebrations without him. I wanted to share all my happy moments with him. I jus hope for his shoulder to lean on at times of unhappiness. I smsed him just now. Glad that he was the first one to reply to my message. Thou he didn't say much, just to see those few words is good enough already.

A part of me tells me to love unconditionally. Yet another part tells me not even to start it off, for fear of its end. Contradicting.

Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Friday: Counting down to 8 days!

Today is all the food n the fun... Wah, busy day... beyond words.

Tired.. shaggy sia.. hahaha


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Thrusday: Counting down to 9 days!

Wow.. 9 days le.. N i'm not at least excited about it.

Cool.. *lame*

er survive these 9 days without telling the truth? Hmm.. But its really unfair if I break the news now. Its not fair to anyone of us. Well, what is meant to be.. will be. Whats not, will not. This 2 years will be a good test I guess. Time tells no lies.

I'm beginning to feel the laziness.. Its becoming a chore to blog daily. I simply can't find enough time to do it. No lah.. its sheer laziness.. and I'm just trying to cover up for myself.

Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Wednesday: Counting down to 10 Days!

Into the last 10 days here..

Yes, fear has found its way to me. There is no escape. Only to fight against it, will I have a chance to win. Haa. Stupid!

Yawns.. tired.. bored.. Haiz.. I dun noe lah.. feelin stupid.


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me

Tuesday: Counting down to 11 Days!

Yet again.. one more day lesser than yesterday..

Went back to Creative this afternoon.. had a great lunch with my colleagues. Hahaha.. had fun taking photos and things like tat.

Then go home liao. Lolx. Meeting Haoyun at evening time.

Feeling abit weird. Wondering if things said to me are hints that fell from sky? Yes, everytime i hear such things, my mind would ponder, my heart would go wild... Beep Pop, Beep Pop.. I will go crazy with all these little hints. Silly me, didn't know how to express my feelings in fear of rejection.

And I just realize.. I just rejected myself by denying myself of a chance to say it out..


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me