1 more week to exams..

Yeah, exams are round the corner.. I think I'm screwed.

I was so pissed by myself, I actually lose temper and raise my voice at Gita.. I felt so upset for the whole night.. I couldn't really sleep.. What actually happen was that I went over to her place at 10pm, sat down n do my work, but got screwed by the calculation bits.. I was so fuck up man! Then I couldn't take it anymore. I dun noe why I felt so stress thou. I was stuck with the calculations for ages.. I panic when I couldn't get the right solution.. In fact, I slept at 3am the previous night just because I can't figure it out.. So it ended up, the lecturer uploaded some fucking wrong answers.. Well.. That cost me like dun noe how many fucking hours wasted.

I didn't really mean to raise my voice, I felt so sorry right after. She had only wanted to help me thou, yet I can be such a jerk to talk back.. After awhile I calm down, I did apologise. She gave me a hug and told me this...

"If I don't understand, who else will?"

Damn, it really struck me hard.. I couldn't sleep the whole night cos I was so upset with myself. Yet again losing temper at my friends. I did the same before.. and almost lose the friend I really treasure. Why didn't I learn my lesson. Why do I keep hurting the people whom care for me.. I'm just dumb...

Gita told me, whatever I know so far, will be more than enough to get a pass in every subject.. To a certain extend, she is right. The other day, I was just telling her about one of my subject... So far, for the grades I get for all my work in that subject, I've already pass the subject without having to sit for the exams. She is just a great friend... someone too good for me I guess.. I felt so unfair to her at times, when she has to go thru all these shit with me.. I msg her this morning.. so afraid to see her reply, I turned off my handphone, set my MSN to offline mode.. I dun noe, but I think I have really hurt her so much..

I should have know that something is going to happen to her.. Well, for the past 2 days, I have been having dreams about her as well. Maybe that was a warning to me.. but still, the warnings fell on deaf ears. I have hurt her once again.. I keep thinking for the whole night.. even thot of it the very moment I open my eyes this morning. Maybe we should keep a distance.. cos I don't know if I'm still worth her care.. Some how, the fear of hurting her again has really grip me hard..

I have no courage to face my very own friends.. the people whom care so much for me.. I dun want to hurt my loved ones anymore.. I dun wan to lose my cool and raise my voice at them again... Just leave me be.. at least till the end of my exams.. I dun noe when I will flare up again.. I dun noe when I will raise my voice again.. This is really freaking me out big time.
Just let me be alone...

Seconds by seconds,
I just felt closer to home and reunion.


I'm sorry..