Just a little weird today..

I've been feelin rather moody these 2 days.. well, maybe things just got kept within me for too long and I just can't take it anymore.

I really hated myself for not being able to open up at times. I have this difficult in opening up my true feelings. Let me ask you this, who the hell on earth can always feel "NEVER MIND" and "I DUN MIND". I always choose to hide, rather than talk things out. Thats how a Chicken-hearted shit will behave I guess.

When I dun like something, I dun dare to voice out. And once I miss my chance of voicing out, I dwell in it. I feel sad. I will start to feel so left out by the world and would think that the world is a sucky place. Then I will start to get angry with myself over it.

I just hate this feelin. It keeps coming back to me over and over again. How can I ever get over it? When will I learn to say NO?

I just hated how some people comprehend the meaning of friendship. I just hated how some people would treat relationship. I just hated how some people would judge others. I just hated how some people who get close to me for some other reason more than wanting to be a friend. I just hated myself for whining in my blog and not taking any actions.

End of the day, I only dare to whine in blogs. When asked.. I always brush it aside saying its nutting. Perhaps this is really nutting compared to the problems others are facing. I'm just too kiddish I guess. I will never grow up.

Whats worst, I always make such comments, and yet, I do it all as well. Then again, I will push it off as "this is just human.."

I want to help. I really wanted to. But why dun people care about me as well? Helping at the expense of my own work? I dun noe, but I just felt so bad that people whom I go an extra mile to help, turns out not even caring would I even mean the basic work requirements. Selfish isn't it. I would love to help. I really do. But understand that I'm not a saint, I'm not some kind of straight distinction students you know. I need alot of time for my own work as well.

Why do I try to be so giving and end up feeling hurt? I dun noe y too..
But again, god has given me many many treasure in life as well. People like mummy, my family, all my true friends who really made a difference in my life. God has his way of making things work for me, and I'm sure of it. And of cos, those who fuck my life upside down and shit on it! Thanks..! Without their fucking shit, I would never realise those treasure by my side.

Just have got to have faith. Just a little more each and everyday.