Counting down.. xx Days and loving it.

Eh lo mate..! Ohh doesn't this title seems familiar? Yup! U guys have seen it like over 106 days ago.. Wasn't it scary.. Its like almost a third of the year has passed.. without me by your side.. and without you by my side.. I can never put the kind of pain I had to endure into words.. I can't say the same for everyone perhaps.. But I guess I always have a great family who felt the same as me.. esp my mum.. and not forgetting some of my great buds!

So far so good.. revision is going no where.. so here I m.. blogging my way to failure yet again.. Duh... I guess I shouldn't be putting "failure" by my mouth.. It only invites more scolding and nagging.. Right guys?

Maybe a little update on my current status..

• 4 papers to clear.. namely

1. CSCI213:Java and the Internet
2. ECTE344: Control Theory
3. ECTE301: Digital Signal Processing
4. ECTE313: Electronics

• Revision status.. Not started with Java and electronics.. halfway thru Control Thry and stuck with DSP..
• Subject contents are FOC(Full of Crap).. and they come in TONNES!
• Interestingly, in Control Thry, apparently, we are going to be tested on something that we have not been fully taught on.. and the weightage for it is gonna be like a crappy 25% to 30% for it.. its something like drawing root locus by hand..Ah Haaa! If i ever master that.. I will happily pass this paper with no sweat.. only if...
• Java?? Its gonna be like 20% on the Internet part and 30% on those freakish Java Stuff..
• For electronics.. I have no idea.. Not that I nv attended the lecture and tuts.. In fact, I've been faithfully doing it.. but u know what, I'm just not cut for it.. It hurts me greatly too.. All I know, we are going to be tested on npn and Nmos... IC Cascode high frequency response.. But all I know abt electronics is.. erm.. well..
• As for my DSP.. Its a real let down man... I dun noe... Its a subject that I'm interested in.. but I just don't get it! I can't get the basics right.. Its really sucky! I hate myself for it..

I've got over giving myself loads of stress... I've been telling myself abt this.. Even If I fail them, I will just have to repeat it... I suppose there is nutting wrong with failing... the only thing wrong with failure is that one refuses to pick oneself up after failing.. So be it that I'm gonna take 2 years to 3 years or even 4 years to complete this degree.. I'm just gonna do it.

I'm not a studious kid! I'm just good at finding ways to go thru it.. scattered or unscattered.. its all luck.. Perhaps, the way of uni is not how much you can do alone.. rather, its how much you can get from everyone around u... For example..

In a lecture hall of 100 students.. There is a Professor teaching.. 99 of them is learn (apparently, there is suppose to be at least 1 joker in every lecture hall.. trust me, there will always be one.. at least) So it simply means, there is going to be 1 set of knowledge that is passed down, but 99 different views of perceptions. These 99 perceptions will only be complete when they are put together..

So what I'm trying to say here is that, its never enough to learn as an individual.. Uni is all about how many bits and pieces u can put together to form the big picture.. But sadly in the culture of uni.. people just don't see things this way.. They ought to go thru my beloved PBL system.. learn the spirit of it..

Anyway.. I got a chance to savour some traditional Persian food yesterday.. Cool.. it was great! My frend's mummy made them.. she came all the way from Dubai just to spend time with my frend.. Wasn't it cool?

Yes.. After that.. When I came home last nite, I immediately changed my MSN nick.. yes.. I'm really green with envy.. I just wanted my mummy to be by my side.. Yes.. nag at me for all she want.. I dun care.. I want to go home.. Spare my loved ones from the trouble of travelling.. I m gonna do the travelling myself.. I guess to have every loved ones by my side.. I might need to charter a whole plane to fly from SG to Sydney... So I assume it will be way cheaper to get a stupid tix n fly back home..! I just hope to make up for the time I've lost over the past few months.. and towards my family.. its gonna be the time I've lost over the past 20 years..

This morning church service made it worst.. The feeling really rose up high.. I almost cried.. I mean.. the church service was great.. it brought me back so close to home emotionally.. Every sunday, it made me feel the same.. everytime I would feel this funny feeling (apparently I can't find any words for it).. I just miss home so much.. It has never decreased since day 1.. I always thot I could be strong. An individual. But there is always this some part of me who yearns for these warmth.. I do break down too..

Life is a test of endurance I suppose. How much can I go thru will determine how far I can go.. Perhaps now is a good chance of testing myself.. since day 1.. I'm clearer than anyone.. I knew I can't turn back..

So.. before you know it.. I might be knocking on your door in a few weeks time! Dun be surprise if I do that!

Going back to the warmth of my beloved textbooks again...
Ciao!

Seconds by seconds,
I just felt closer to home and reunion