In Love With You..

A few days ago.. I happened to be reading our great singaporean blogger's blog.. Xiaxue.blogspot.com and came across one very interesting entry. It was one of her really long entry.. about her own story.

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Here is something that I could call my own..

The Beginning..

It really make me think back.. and I realized.. I still missed him dearly..

The first time I met him was at Sentosa, back then, I was only 18... (Oh pls.. I'm only abt to turn 20 this year) We were there with a whole bunch of friends. Having fun, enjoying the cooling waters, gulping down giant cups of icy cool slurpies under the great sun. At first, we didn't really know each other. All I knew was his name, nutting else.. I guess its pretty much the same for him too.

He took the initiative and spoke to me.. Its because of the little initiative he showed, our friendship began to took off.

"So how is the afternoon, enjoy yourself?"

That was his very first sentence to me. I will never be able to forget that.. Never..

I didn't really expected him to actually walk up and talk to me, I am just another girl among the group, nutting special about me, unlike him... He is just like a star among the crowd who will out-shine anyone and everyone. Good at sports, fun to be with, a pretty well-mannered guy. Perhaps its all these qualities of his that really caught my eyes.

Ralph is what everyone known him as.

It was really like the greatest day in my life, i thot to myself, having to know a person like Ralph.

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The Process..

Soon we found ourselves chatting online together every now and then. We could talk about lots of things. He had taught me alot of things, ways of life.. how to handle my work.. how to make the best out of things i do. He was always there to shower me with care and concern when i'm down and out. Consoling me whenever i face any problems at home and at work. It was him who spurred me on to commit myself to whatever i do. He is always there to give me support, give me ideas, give me comments, give me the little push whenever i need it most.

From little online chats.. to hours of sweet talks over the phone in the middle of the nite. Sometimes we could chat till 3am or 4am. Even at times, I felt so tired and was about to doze off any moment, he could ring me up, and I will be able to talk to him for another few hours.. Even when i'm stressed and busy over my notes, I would put all my work down just to listen to him..

Soon, i found my whole world revolving around him. This Charming and suave young man. Witty and unbelievably cute fella. Someone who could understand me so well, tolerate my nonsenses. Solving all my problems. An intellect definitely. He is such an Elite.. among his peers, among my peers, and most importantly.. he is an elite in my heart.. forever.

Life had never been the same ever since that day he walk into it.

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The Decision..

Soon i found myself out of TP. Like what i always tell my friends, I never had to worry about getting a job. God will help those who help themselves. Soon I found myself getting a job offer, without having to go and look for it. Thou pay wasn't fantastic, but i accepted it. Just to get away from those nagging by my mum at least for the time being.

But as I started working, I soon found out more about myself.. I'm a person who is never satisfy with life. Then I realized it will be pretty impossible for me to go on with just a diploma. Of cos, my results weren't good enough to get me into the University of my choice. When my sister found out about it, she suggested that I should go overseas to further my studies.

At that point, I was really stressed at work. And I felt that if i were to conitnue to work there, I will always remain at the same point, not much of any future to talk about. I was really upset and had thot of giving up this job. At that time, Ralph was really busy with his work too, and i couldn't bear to disturb him with my problems. So I had to turn to my blog. I never told him about this little blog i had for months, so I'm sure he wouldn't know of my problems so as not to make him worry for me.

Then I received a sms from one of my faithful blog reader.. thou not from Ralph, it was from my mummy. "Never give up" was what she said. It had really brought me up from the pits. Soon enough I was back on my feet again. Back to work with full force. I've made up my mind. What Ralph and mummy had always taught me, NEVER GIVE UP.

So after, I made this decision that would affect my life forever. I choose to leave for Australia. Leaving Singapore wasn't an easy choice. Many times at nite, I had to cry myself to sleep. Thinking of leaving my loved ones behind is just as good as piercing a knife into my heart.

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The Hint..

I finally convinced myself to call Ralph.

"Ralph, I've got something to tell you.... (pause for quite awhile).... I'll be leaving singapore to continue my studies.."

Silly as I may be. I was really hoping that he would ask me to stay. Or at least tell me something that I'm hoping for.. at the very least.. some little hints.

But none came from him..

"Good for you.."
Thats what he said. Followed by a long slience..

"I'll be there for 2 years.."
"So when are you leaving?"
"Early next year.. maybe end of january or latest by early Febuary"
"Oh, so fast ah.. But good.. Starting earlier also means you can finish your course earlier"

At this point, My heart was really bleeding.. so i began hinting him..

"Yeah.. I might decide to stay there for good if I can find a good job over there"
"That will be good.."
"Would you have anything to tell me.. ermm.. I mean do you have any advice for me??"

I'm praying hard..

"Yes.. Do study hard and get yourself a good degree, you will have to learn to be independent"
"Oh.. yes, I definitely will.. This will be something that I can assure you of.."

A long pause followed.. I couldn't take it anymore..

"Hey Ralph, you still need to work tml, better have an early nite, so you can concentrate on your work tml."
"Alrite then, you have an early nite too.. good nite, bye bye"
"Bye.."

Of cos, who could be able to sleep after that phone call? I didn't sleep a wink the whole nite. Thinking of the words he said.. Did he really meant it? I asked myself.

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The Act..

I started numbing myself with work, just to ease the pain which was inflicted upon me that nite. So I begin packing myself with OTs and tuitions, from Monday to Sunday. When being questioned by friends, I would just brush it off by saying:
"I need the money.. thats why i need to work extra hard now.. hahahaha.. unless you want to give me a few thousand bucks.. maybe I wouldn't need to work so hard now"

I work as normal, speak as normal, play as normal.. In short, I just try to behave as if nothing had happened.. Just to show that I'm not at least affected by his words. But deep down, my heart is already shattered.

He behaved as normal as well.. He would still occassionally pop by and chat with me in MSN, occassionally, I would still chat with him, but no longer than 5 mins, thereafter i would give excuses to end the chat. But everytime I close that little window, I would still yearn for him.. Why am I so stupid.. I keep myself awake till late at nite, hoping for him to call..

I don't understand myself afterall, why just couldn't I say out those words myself.. why should I wait for him to pop it out..

I love you..

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Here is a song that I would really love to sing to him now..

Velasquez Regine - In Love With You (with Jacky Cheung) Lyrics

(Jacky)
Just a gentle whisper, tell me that you'd gone
Leaving only memories, where did we go wrong?
I couldn't find the words then, so let me say them now
I'm still in love with you

(Regine)
Tell me that you love me, tell me that you care
Tell me that you need me, and I'll be there
I'll be there for you...
I will always love you, I will always stay true
There's no one who loves you like I do

(Regine/Jacky)
Come to me now
I will never leave you, I will always here with you
Through the good and bad I will stand true
I'm in love with you

(Jacky)
Now we've here together, yesterday has past
Life is just beginning, close to you at last
And I promise to you, I will always be there
I give my all to you

(Regine)
Living life without you is more that I can bear
Hold me close forever..

(Jacky)
I'll be there..

(Regine/Jacky)
I'll be there for you
I will always love you, I will always stay true
There's no one who loves you like I do
This I promise...
I will never leave you, I will stand here with you
Though the good and bad I will stand true
Hold me closer...
Our love is forever, holding us together
Nothing in this world can stop us now

(Jacky)
Love has found

(Regine)
Love has found a way...

(Regine/Jacky)
I'm in love, I'm in love
Yes I'm in love, so in love
I'm so in love with you....


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me