Who rules my lilfe? Can i ever say anything?

After reading those SMSes sent by my sister.. uncontrollably, tears rolled down my cheek! There I m trying to find something that would fit wat she is asking for.. There she is trying to make my life difficult! No there is nutting wrong with the offer i'm getting now.. But i was definitely hoping for something better.. Something that I myself would prefer!

She insisted on a B-Eng.. FINE.. Lets get a B-Eng! Well.. Curtin offers that, so does Wollongong!

She wanted something recognised by our government! FINE.. Lets get one that is recognised over here! Well.. Curtin is, so is Wollongong!

I hoped for something that is more recognised.. maybe something at least associated to Go8.. Curtin isn't.. But Wollongong IS.. at least an associate member of the Go8!!

Now she is complaining of the cost! WTF.. Didn't she do her calculations in the VERY FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!! I kept asking.. But no one is giving me any answers! Now she is actually throwing her temper at me! Saying that I m unreasonable! Saying that i'm not thinking for my parents! Saying that I'm irresponsible! Saying that I'm too demanding! Now she is asking me if i will take care of my parents in future!

Come on.. shouldn't we face this very fact that no matter what they are still my parents! If i were to leave my parents... wouldn't that make me something worst than shit! What does she take me as?? A beast?? Maybe she should start asking herself if she would leave them to fend for themselves! To me, she is just trying to find a "getaway" from these responsibilities!

Back to the very first place.. I didn't intend to study anyway.. Isn't that the reason that i threw away all my results slips! Stupid ass! Now that i managed to convince myself that Studying more will do me more good! I'm more than willing to chiong and better myself!

I'm suppose to have so many choices.. Yeah.. They sure "tried" to give me choice! But whats the use of letting me choose when you all got your "dreamed path" in mind already! But shouldn't we get this clear, Its your "dreamed path".. NOT MINE! Y insist that i should follow your idea! Dun you tink its like abit too demanding on her side?? Cant' she respect MY decision as well!

Whenever i suggest anything, they would flatly refused! Yes i do admit i dun make the right choice everytime! But does it means I can't make choices myself! Isn't it useless to tell me this: "Do something you like in university.. dun end up get a degree that you dun like!!" Well.. I dun see any senses in telling me something like tat! So which part of this damn sentence suggested that I CANNOT CHOOSE!!! So why izzit that i dun get to choose my future!

3 years back when i was choosing my course in TP.. No one offered me any help! I was left to fend for myself! No one bothers to comment on what i have chosen! I clearly remember this sentence: "U should choose it yourself.. So if anything goes wrong in future, you have no one to blame!".. I do understand the fact, they are not just trying to defend themselves! They wanted me to take charge of my life! I thank them for not interferring with my choice! And now 3 years later.. I'm really glad i've made this choice myself!!

She wanted me to go Curtin cos they have a friend who got a 6K/mth job in some big shot company! He grad from Curtin! So?? Does it means grads from other Uni will not get any job in SG???

Maybe lets get this straight, I'm not saying that Curtin isn't good! But i just wanted to support decisions with hard facts.. and not by some Tom Dick or Harry that has got a 6K/mth job here in SG! He might just be some "1 in a million lucky ass" that has got the job!

The fact that made me so angry is that since she has decided already.. So y keep telling me to register for watever i wan????????? When i ask she to go n speak with the counsellor together with me.. She jus didn't want! Ok fine! So when i told her that she shld have followed me to the RELC.. guess wats her reply?? "I dun own u anything.. I have to work to keep my job... blah blah blah....." yeah.. its not as if i dun have to work to keep my job!!! So that was the beginning or one whole round of almost non-stop scolding.. My hp keeps beeping.. and my heart simply keeps bleeding.. I not like a baby who needs her company anywhere i go.. I just hope that she could listen up to the counsellor over there and knock some sense into her head! No use forcing me to go to somewhere i dun really hope to go!

I can't help feeling so pissed off by the fact that i have no say over MY future! This is not something that will be over in 2 to 3 years time.. This is something that will following me with the rest of my life! This is something that I have to depend on the rest of my life!

I seriously dun mind throwing in all my savings into it!

Call me stubborn..
Call me selfish...
Call me stupid..
Call me dumb..
Call me irresponsible..
Call me a sucker..
Call me anything you like..

But get this straight! Its my future.. N i will do anything to fight for it! Not unless you can prove me wrong with any facts! Or else.. I will go for wat i really want! Not wat U wan! I do things my way, not urs.. Since she wanted a deg from Curtin so badly.. maybe she shld go for it herself! Once again.. my fighting spirit has been spurred.. There would be no end to it.. till i've got wat i want!

It doesn't really mean that i have to go to wollongong.. But its just that it fits our "pre-requsites"!! Lets give in abit and make our lifes easier.. Well, I have given in alot already! Starting with that B-Eng and B-Sc nonsense!

Come n prove me wrong... I'm still waiting!

So sorry to my dear readers! Another long blog doing nutting but complaining like hell! If you ever find it too boring to read on.. I guess its high time u should stop reading, start writing your own! Cos i doubt you can get anything useful from my entry!!

Between now and then, till I see you again, I only yearn for you..

Love,
Me