Monday Blues...

Back home again.. regret coming home! Should have just stay out all nite long! Can't help feeling angry!

No, i'm not complaining of work! Well.. work is fine, thou busy.. but its a real easy job.. just that it requires lots of patience, got to be very organized and structured! Nutting much needed otherwise..

So its just that things are happening at home.. Why did i choose to come home straight after work? Just to hear my parents quarrel?? I just can't help feeling angry whenever they quarrel.. I would ask myself y?? Whats wrong again?? I never get any answer.. Just cannot help it but feel so angry!

I came home.. to spend time with them, not hear them quarrel. All i wanted is to spend more timw with them.. So m i wrong again?? I work hard in the office to earn my living and contribute to my family.. At the end of the day, all i hope for is a nice dinner, and watch TV together with them.. and of cos a good nite rest! So whats wrong with it?? I tried talking to them.. although hard to get words coming out of my mouth.. but i did try.. but in the end.. what do i get??

I came home.. and all i have been getting for the past weeks is some damn attitude face! Being nag at over nutting, sometimes even scolded over other people's problem...! My god, what has it got to do with me?? Yes i do understand that when one is in a foul mood, he/she tends to shoot whatever that comes to mind! Hey.. but dun you tink its only logical to shoot it at the person who cause all those screw-ups, instead of anyone in sight??

For those of you guys who know me well enough.. you will sure know that i used to be a person who prefers to stay home and do nutting rather than go out n do nutting..! And because of this, i'm always the unlucky person who always gets the dirt before anyone else! My sister told me the only thing i can do is to absorb! ABSORB everything...??? Trying to turn me into Spoonge Bob Square Pants? Nah..

I tried not to get into trouble.. I hold on to my job for the sake of my family.. I do whatever they wish for.. I tried spending more time with them.. I did.. I really tried.. But i just can't help feeling that all my effort has gone down the drain..

I guess its because things dun follow my way.. thats y i'm feeling so angry and upset.. and it all boils down to EXPECTATIONS yet again.. Perhaps i'm just expecting too much.. and when things are not up to my expectations, i get angry! When will i ever learn my lesson?????? Stupid me.. feel so screwed! Arghhhhh..

Nowadays, I just can't wait for every single chance to sneak out of the house.. just feel so upset at home! Wats really happening to me?? Oh my god.. tell me what to do!! Is this a place that i could still call home??

Perhaps i never love them enough... never shower enough care on them... never put in enough effort..

SOS... Lets all pray hard for a better tml..


Between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you..

Love,
Me