I m a tortise! Stupid Tortise..

Tried to read my notes, tried to prepare for my exams.. but simply cannot do it! Cannot concentrate.. keep thinking and thinking.

Returned from Keong's place around noon. Took a bath, watch TV. Tried sia. Had so much fun yesterday. Kind of make me forget everything for that moment!

I was already lying flat on the floor, in my mum's room. Thou i closed my eyes, didn't really slept. Could hear all those words my younger sister said.. Really irritated by it.

But why When i'm irritated.. i still have to hide it? why? The more i hide, the more uncomfortable i feel.. But if i dun hide, i would start the fight again! Why ah?? Why is my temper still so bad? Why izzit that i cannot take things easily? Why did i choose to hide? I already tried to aviod problems by hiding in school.. by keeping quiet.. what else m i suppose to do? I really dun noe, i say things out, i get into trouble, i keep quiet, i still get into trouble!

That day i spoke to my elder sister, she said i should go and talk to her if i have any problems! But whats the point?? I can talk, i can talk to anyone, i can talk to everyone! But whats the use? No point lah! She told me that we are facing alot of problems at home! She told me that my mum called her and cried tat day! She said my mum is feeling stressed! But m i not stressed?? So when i'm stressed, who can i call n cry?

She said that i must tolerate everything. She said i must help in everything. She said i must care for them. She said i must spare a thot for them. She say i must take up all the responsibility. She said i cannot say no to my responsibilities.

They are not wrong to have expectations of me, I am the one in wrong... for not being able to meet all these expectations. Quite a few days since i last talk to them face to face. Feeling really lousy ah. Always like tat, when i'm with my frends, i can be so noisy. But when i go home, i'm switched to "mute" instantly!

I can help others. But why can't i help myself? I can help others to relieve stress, but why can't i relieve my own stress? I can offer advice to others, but why can't i offer those advice to myself? I can tell others not to give up easily, but why do i keep giving up so easily?

Maybe i'm just a tortise.. When i face any problems, i just hide in my shell! When you flip me over, flat on my back, i become totally helpless.. I can't even stand up by myself! COWARD. So STUPID!

When is this gonna be over? Haiz..