I'm a Failure

This is my 3rd attempt trying to write a blog today! First time was at my FYP lab.. I finish typing the blog.... Then suddenly internet down AGAIN! Really bth lor! But surprise.. i just saw my blog.. it was posted! lolx 2nd time was at the CENT room, Chris gotta work.. so I nv finish typing my blog.. nvm, work is more important.. blog can wait! And after a long wait... I finally got home! I’ve just settled some club stuff for tml’s gathering! Everything is in a mess lor! Lots of changes in the end.. Ppl cannot make it at the last moment!(of cos they do have their reasons behind it)

Y ah?? Y do I always screw things up? Y can’t I do things right? Y does it happen yet AGAIN! Y? Y? Y? I just can’t help but to really blame myself ah! Things always go wrong with me around...

Till now, I still cannot forget how I screw up the orientation! No doubt, this failure has really bring down my level of confidence.. I find that I can no longer be as confident as before.. I realize that I some how became very dependent now.. I have to depend on ppl to give me instructions.. give me ideas and show me the way! Sometimes I just cannot help but feel that I can no longer function well as a leader.. Not in the club.. Not for my PBL group.. Not in my life anymore.. Really feel so f*** up! Y is it like that? Till this very moment, I still will feel sad when people mention abt the orientation! I’m not angry with the ppl who mention it. I’m just angry with myself for being such a failure and bring shame to my Dearest CENT club! Really let those of you who work so hard for the club down! I’m sorry, very sorry! Let my mummy down, let my idol Andrew down, let my dear sisters, chris and apple down, and of cos Smith and lots lots more!

Maybe I should be the one to leave.. I’m sure there are more people who can work well with all of you.. I sure there are more people more committed than me! I’m sure there are must stronger leaders than me! Dun you think that useless junk should leave the club! Dun take up spaces lor... I dun believe in taking up what is not supposed to be yours! U get what you deserve! Dun join for the sake of CCA points! Its very stupid! Dun ever let me feel this way abt u.. I WILL LOOK DOWN ON YOU! ALL OF US WILL LOOK DOWN ON YOU! You are just a sucker... always hungry for CCA points! Truly a selfish ass! Everyone will always remember you as a sore loser!(well.. at least u still hold a place in our heart! Not too bad, hahaha)

When I first join the club, I told myself that I’m working for the welfare of the CEN! Not just for myself, not just for my friends, not just for my class.. But for the WHOLE OF CEN! Some how, I just feel that I have failed! Maybe I’m just a sore loser too! I can’t accept failure like a true leader! I just cannot accept it!